Creators

 I am wanting to put into my own words what I am remembering and learning. 
  One of my favorite songs is
 When We Were Kings
 by Brian McKnight

In every heart, there is a drum that beats
Steady and strong, it does not know defeat
I feel it pound, and know the sound
Of true me
In every soul, there is a memory
Of standing tall, the proudest we could be
I cannot fall, for I recall
We were born in majestyAnd when the long fight, has been fought and won
We'll stand in the sun

And we will raise our hands
And we will touch the sky
Together we will dance in robes of gold
And we will leave the world remembering
When we were kings, when we were kings

Now is the time, here is the mountain top
When one man climbs, the rest are lifted up
With every step we're closer yet
To a higher destiny

And when we reach out to claim  the thrown
Every man will know
And we will raise our hands
And we will touch the sky
Together we will dance in robes of gold
And we will leave the world remembering
When we were kings, when we were kings


When I am not aware of my own goodness  I wake in the morning and I feel overwhelm and confusion. I am controlled by the "what about me" habits I am in.  Will I be happy today? Will this chocolate make me happy?  Will exersize  make me happy? Will pushing hard and clinging tight make me happy?  Will personal spiritual practices make me happy?  Will this movie make me happy?  Will a nap make me happy? All is an addiction to my mind and the pursuit of figuring out what it is that will make me happy.  My mind is caught in the crazy whirlwind of chance,   Lost in shifting thoughts of what I can not pin down;  The never ending search for what will make "me" happy.  The "me" is an allusion that I have created in my mind to try to grasp what I can not.  It only knows defeat.
My mind is the complete opposite of what I am.  It shows me what I am not. When I quiet my mind and move to my  heart, inner knowing, energy, spirit, connected light or true basic goodness I see the illusion of the mind.  I forget the emotions that felt so strong  and real.  I know only love, goodness, perfectness, and power.  I recall  that I was born in Majesty, standing tall, as proud as I could be.  I can not fall.  Possibilities open before me. 
I am aware of my mind and I use it to show me what I am not and quickly remind me to move back to my heart.  Live each moment with discernment from my enlarged awareness. 
Meditating on my breath has assisted me in quieting my mind.  I feel a moment of amazing expansion when I separate who I am from who I think I am. I feel the connection to light beyond our realm.  I set an intention for the day that will move me closer to my heart.  Today, my intention is to take the moment before action and connect with the heart and make a decision from there, carefully choosing each action I make.  
 I am a beautiful, powerful, passionate woman of light. Reciting and feeling this immediately moves me to me heart.  I know I can not fall.  I know I can not fail.  I know I am perfect, life is perfect, others are perfect.  All feels right in the world.
When I am struggling with habits of my mind I ask myself, not my mind, my"self" "what can I learn from this experience?"  There is always inner wisdom that dissolves the illusions of the mind. 
I can create energy that vibrates out from me changing the world.  I write an affirmation ... "I am celebrating possibilities and this moment of freedom and light."  1) I love how it feels to love this moment.  2) I am excited about light.  3) It feels so good to know I am in free fall.  4) I feel joy when I have risked.  5)I am grateful for NOW!  6) I love seeing!  7) I love feeling!  8) I love knowing!  9) Thousands of people have missed this moment.  10) It is easy to create joy and gratitude.  11) Divine love is Now!  12) My positive vibration creates energy.   I say the affirmation three times, and then each statement three time before moving onto the next statement.  This is a powerful way of creating.  I feel the energy radiating from me and moving through space beyond my comprehension of influence.   We are powerful creators beyond what we can imagine. 

Life shifts

I hugged Dallin goodbye in the dental office parking lot.  When I pictured sending my son off to college, it was not in a dental office parking lot.  Yet life hands us beautiful situations.  This was perfect for us.  He drove off.  I moved on with the dental appointments.  Life continues, even without him.   I thought it might have stopped.  My heart sometimes feels like it does if I think about his empty room.  The whole family feels the void.  Kayden mentioned how sad it is to walk past Dallin's bedroom.  Eli is constantly thinking of things to send him, and Drew asks me to send his "giraffe puzzle eraser" to him.  The table is now set for five and a chair sits empty. Meanwhile Dallin is at school, smoothly working through all of his firsts.  First housing payment, buying books, setting up appartment, dinner at a girls' apartment, finding his way on campus, studying harder than in highschool, and being independent.  I love the experience (eventhough it is really his!)   
As life moves on Kayden becomes homecoming King!   He comes home with balloons to ask a lucky girl and before I know it he has an extremely handsome suit, wing-tip shoes, matching tie, a "corsage" and needs a ride to the dance because none of his friends have a drivers licence yet either. After the dance I sat in the car waiting to pick him up reminiscing about my highschool days, watching the kids come out of the dance with realities so different from mine.  I look over and see Kayden walk out with his date, they look so young and inocent.  It takes him a moment to offer his arm. I am filled with pleasure, being lucky enough to glimpse this moment in his life. He is handsome, tender, and confident.  I love being a mom.